Over the past few years, like many, I've grown as an individual. In high school, I was the quiet guy, kept to myself, often wondering if people even knew I existed. And then something happened at the end of my junior year that began to change things for me; I ran for student council. At the time, I thought it would be nice to have some say in the changes that happen in the school, but I honestly didn't think I stood a chance. Boy was I wrong. After I won, summer came and went and Senior year rolled around. Maybe it was because my time was drawing to a close, or maybe it was just the beginning of something new, but Something was in the air that fall. Through my senior year, I began to notice people noticing me. The people I grew up with started to show me some respect, and younger people (who I had never met) knew who I was. Even crazier still, underclass women were interested in me! I didn't know what to do. Little did I know, but this was the beginning of my transformation.
College was.....well, college. A long four years of meeting new people, parties, bars, clubs, women, and classes sprinkled in between. I couldn't understand why girls were interested in me, but for the first time in my life, I wasn't doing the chasing/lusting/drooling! It was like a drug, I couldn't get enough of it. If I actually found an attraction to a girl, most of the time they didn't want anything to do with me, but the ones that I didn't notice, or that I considered just friends were the ones that would bump into me at parties or would make sure they said hi to me walking on campus. Many times, these girls were underclassmen whom I had never met before! It was like walking into the twilight zone.
Needless to say, I got the better of myself, and began to go along with it. Sooner than I expected, I was a senior, about to graduate, and the previous four years had flown by. I had come to fully accept my fate. These women, for whatever reason, wanted me, or wanted to be with me, but I couldn't settle. As long as I can remember, I wanted to find an amazing girl, date her, enjoy spending time with her, and create the beginnings of a life together. Quite, mild-mannered, not really a stand out. But now, I had a stigma. I had become the jerks that I hated in high school; the guys who had the hottest girls, who treated them like garbage, and threw them aside. How did this happen? How did I change?
The truth is, I was and am still that same person, I just now have confidence in myself, and realize I shouldn't just settle. At this point in my life, everyone is trying to establish their own life and identity, and establish their independence. Yes, I'm still searching for that one person who will change my life forever, that I will want to settle down with and get to know for the rest of my life. But in order to meet that person, I have to put myself out there. I need to go to go out at night, I need to try new things and go to new places, introduce myself and have friendly conversations with people. Have I met women who I though could be something special? Without a doubt! And the truth is, every single one of those women mean something special to me in some way, shape, or form. It's not about the hook ups, or having the arm candy. It's not about the gifts or dinners. It's about getting to know someone, and enjoying their company while you do it. Have I met girls that I thought were something special and they ended up to be duds? Yes, but not every time. No one enters these steady situations looking to purposely hurt the other person, at least that's my stance, but it happens. Relationships are messy, even the best ones. No one gets along all day every day. People think that they loose their individuality as a person, but the truth is, the person you should be with wants to be with you for your individuality! You have to be able to stand on your own before you can stand with someone.
This brings me to my next point.
I'm sure I'm not the first to say this, but the "titles" people put on relationships of any kind are ridiculous. More importantly, the pressures and questions that people outside of the (for lack of a better word) "relationship," such as friends, should stop pocking and prodding. It's hard enough getting to know someone without everyone and their mother asking questions like, "are you together now?" and "Are you dating?" or putting added pressure on the situation like "I bet s/he's just using you." "If S/he really liked you, they'd be around all the time, or make it 'official.'" Grow up. Are we in middle school where once you start being able to have a conversation with a member of the opposite sex you automatically are an item? I think not.
The truth is, in today's world everyone is so caught up in everybody else's business that they don't have their own lives. Ladies, from a guy's point of view, In my Honest Opinion, if we like you, we'll let you know in our own way. If we want to make you more than a friend, we will. Is it going to happen right away? Nine times out of ten, not a chance. Guys like their independence and relationships threaten that life, that image of ourselves. It's not that we don't want to have a girlfriend/wife/what have you, we just need to be sure of what we are getting ourselves into. Some people dive in head first, and 95% of the time, they end up getting hurt. I know, I've done it. The head-over-heels feeling only works if both parties involved are feeling it from the get go, otherwise it's overwhelming for one side and the other gets hurt. If and when we are ready, we will let you know. Also, Guys are simple. We like to have fun, we like to go out, we like to drink, we like sports (playing them and watching them), and most importantly, we like hanging out with our buddies. It doesn't mean we don't want to spend time with you, and it doesn't mean we don't want you around, but we are guys, we need these things.
Most importantly, if you don't like something or something is on your mind, open your mouth and say something. We are guys, and we don't really pay attention to all the minute details, nor do we read into them. If we don't call or text right away, don't get bent out of shape. Imagine if the roles were reversed and you were out to lunch with your girlfriends. You wouldn't want a guy getting in the way of that time. It's the same thing for a guy.
As my rant comes to a close, I will leave you with this final thought. Learn to know when to pull the rip chord. When you go sky diving, there at instruments that will help you to know when to pull that chord. In the early stages of a relationship, you have to learn to gauge the person you are spending time with. You will surprise yourself as you start to get to know someone that you will begin to see their outlook. Sometimes you like what you see and sometimes you don't. Even when you do like what you see, you need to get to know that person a little more to find out if they are just a friend or more. It's not about the hookups or lack-thereof. Does it make it more complicated? Sure, but it's still not the most important thing. So stop reading into the small things, begin to enjoy the company around you and the time you spend together, and decide for yourself if it's worth pursuing. But remember, no one is a mind reader, so you have to communicate. If things work out, Great! and if they take a turn and don't work, it doesn't mean you still can't be friends. After all, you've spent some time getting to know each other and isn't that how all great friendships begin?
-Mike
P.S. I'd love to hear your thoughts! Comments, please!
